Your Perfect Self
by LordByronMudkippington
Summary: Hanamaru is having some problems with her self-image. She just wants to look good for the love of her life. But how does Dia feel about that? (Birthday fic for Shiny, who's an awesome writer and awesome friend!)


Sitting in her library office, Hanamaru let out a wistful sigh. In her hand was a framed picture of herself, Ruby, and Yoshiko from when they were in high school. They were so happy and innocent back then. It made her smile, though not for long. Her eyes naturally drifted over to the other pictures on her desk, most of which she had a love/hate relationship with.

The picture that gave her the most conflicted feelings was a recent picture of herself and Dia, her fiance. She put down the picture in her hand and picked up that one instead, staring at it critically. It was incredible how Dia had stayed so beautiful after high school. She went from the most beautiful girl in school to the most beautiful, stunning woman in the world. What was more incredible - and more unbelievable - was how someone so beautiful had chosen to marry someone like herself.

It wasn't like she had been a portrait of beauty in high school, and the intervening years had not been kind to her. She could see many flaws in that picture, especially when she was standing next to someone as lovely as Dia. Her cheeks were too puffy and the shirts that had fit fine not too long ago were noticeably tighter. The true terrors were thankfully hidden, but they weren't from her. Every day she had to see her increasingly chubby self in the mirror, and it ruined her day before it even began.

Maybe if Aqours hadn't disbanded she would look better. All that training had done a good job at counteracting her excessive eating habits, but it'd only lasted for so long. If only she'd had better self control back then. Thinking back on it, all she could remember was stuffing her face in any situation. No matter how many times Yoshiko mentioned it, she never paid it any mind. She really should have, though. Yoshiko was certainly laughing at her now...

More than anything, she felt guilty. This was no one else's fault but her own. She'd let herself go, and she hadn't done anything to stop her rampant feasting. All this time, and she never thought of the person who had to put up with all of it. Dia had done so much for her. Despite everything, she was loving and supportive, never judging Hanamaru and providing for her no matter how many times she said she wanted to help with their payments. In the end, she offered nothing to their relationship. How could Dia still want to marry her?

What was stranger was that it hadn't been Hanamaru who had gotten down on one knee and asked for Dia's hand in marriage. That would've made sense, because it would imply that Dia had taken pity on her sad attempt at scoring out of her league and just couldn't make herself say no. She was just that kind of person: always putting others' needs above her own. But no, that's not what happened. Dia had been the one to ask Hanamaru to marry her. Even as their wedding date neared, this still confused her to no end. There were so many other potential partners much better than her. Why had Dia chosen her?

Her eyes drifted back to the picture of her, Ruby, and Yoshiko. It was years old now, and didn't show Ruby's own transformation. She definitely had a more recent picture somewhere in her desk. Opening up her top drawer, she fished through it until she pulled out a slightly dusty bundle of photographs. She began to flip through them until she found the one she was looking for.

It had been taken six months ago, and it shamelessly highlighted the differences in how they had grown. While height was the least of Hanamaru's concerns, she still noted how Ruby had grown several inches while she had barely gotten any taller at all. Though she wasn't as tall as Dia, it helped Ruby fill out and look more like the beautiful Kurosawa daughter that Hanamaru had always known she was. It helped that she'd eventually abandoned her pigtails for a more mature, hair-down look, just like her older sister. With the exception of their respective hair colors, there was no longer any doubt that the two of them were related.

Why couldn't she have had a wonderful late blooming transformation like Ruby had? If only she looked more like Ruby. She'd be more svelte and smooth-looking, not lumpy and frumpy. Dia surely would never have any regrets about their relationship if that's what she looked like. She deserved to have someone as beautiful as she was.

That was what she had to do, then. This wasn't any good. If she just sat at her job and moped all the time, Dia would surely have even more cause to call off the wedding because she regained her sense of clarity. What she needed to do was take cues from her best friend and take better care of herself. No more lounging around and binge eating. From now on she would be exercising and crash dieting. She could do this! Of course, her mind naturally thought about the lunch she'd packed for herself that was waiting for her in the fridge. She just had to be strong: she had to resist. Under no circumstances would she eat that food. She was a changed woman, now!

A knock at her door nearly made her drop the photos in her hand. "Ah, come in, zura!" She put them back in her drawer and closed it as the assistant librarian entered the room.

"Miss Kunikida, Hikari got another papercut. Do you have any band-aids?" Hanamaru had to suppress a smile. Hikari had the kind of bad luck even Yoshiko would feel sorry about.

"Yes, I have one right here." She opened another drawer and extracted a band-aid, handing it over to the grateful assistant. The whole time, though, her mind was on the task that laid before her. It would be tough, but she knew that she could do it. By the time they were standing at the altar, Dia would be starstruck by the woman she was marrying... which would hopefully still be her. No, it was going to be her. Definitely! Dia would be in awe of how great she looked.

With renewed inspiration, she didn't eat her lunch that day, even if her stomach started to rumble near the end of it.

* * *

Things had been going better, though not as fast as Hanamaru had hoped. Not that it had been realistic. She knew that it'd be hard to forsake food, but her stomach spent a lot of time roaring or attempting to fold in on itself as she forced it to go without sustenance for as long as she could. It was all hidden from Dia, since Hanamaru wanted to surprise her with how great she was going to look.

If anything was harder than staying away from food, it was exercising. She found it just about impossible to do anything on her own, since she was too out of shape and would just give up. What she needed was someone who would force her to do it, and she found that someone in Kanan. She admitted parts of her plan to Kanan, though left out the parts about starving herself. Kanan was on board without any hesitation. Working out was just a normal part of her life.

It was tough but effective. Somehow this was more regretful than denying herself food. She had no chance of keeping up with Kanan, and even when they slowed down the pace, she had trouble. By the end, her breathing would be horribly ragged and her clothes would be drenched in sweat. It was absolute torture, but whenever she looked in the mirror and saw some form of difference in how she looked, she knew that it was worth it.

There was a toll being taken on her body, though. She was overworking herself without giving herself enough nutrients. That was the plan, but eventually her body just couldn't take it anymore. One afternoon, while jogging in the park with Kanan, she started to feel lightheaded. It wasn't a new feeling recently, though, so she ignored it. She had to keep pushing so that she could have any chance of catching up. So she kept running, staring at Kanan's back. Then she suddenly found herself staring up at the sky. How had that happened?

"Hanamaru? Oh thank goodness, you're back!" There was a terribly worried expression on Kanan's face, which just added another question to her compendium. She'd just been running, yet she was now on the ground. She tried to sit back up, but Kanan forced her to lie down again. "Don't strain yourself, Hanamaru. You just fainted." Oh, so that's how that happened.

"I... must've just overheated, zura." She hadn't even noticed that she'd overworked herself. It seemed just as difficult as always, so she'd paid it no mind. She didn't like how concerned Kanan looked, because it made it seem like something was wrong. It was just a temporary setback, that was all. She couldn't have any more delays like that. Not when the wedding was closing in. "L-Let's just keep going."

"Absolutely not!" Kanan shot down the idea immediately, working her arms under Hanamaru so she could pick up her. "You need to rest, Hanamaru. I'm going to take you back home." Hanamaru paled at that, worrying that Dia would find out. She'd be beyond herself if she found out what had happened.

"You... You won't tell Dia, will you? She'd just get worried over nothing."

"Ah..." Kanan seemed to be conflicted, frowning deeper as she gently hefted Hanamaru up and began to carry her out of the park. Hanamaru wrapped her arms around Kanan's neck and clung to her, feeling embarrassed that she was weak enough that she had to be carried home. "I... I guess I won't say anything. But let's be more careful in the future, alright?" Hanamaru nodded against her neck, sighing with relief.

Her relief would be short-lived. When they got to the house, Kanan let Hanamaru down so that she could unlock the door. Though she insisted that she was fine, Kanan was equally as insistent that she come in and make sure Hanamaru got proper hydration and rest. They had only taken three steps inside when Dia appeared, walking out of the kitchen at the sound of them entering the house.

"Oh, Hana... maru?" Her eyes widened at the sight of her fiance, panting and drenched in sweat. She rushed over and grabbed Hanamaru's shoulders, looking over her with a worried expression. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"She's alright, Dia. She just, uh..." Kanan looked guiltily at Hanamaru. It was hard to keep the truth from Dia now. "She fainted while we were jogging."

"Jogging?" That was another thing that Hanamaru had been hiding from Dia. It wasn't that she thought working out was something so heinous that Dia could never know, but it was part of the surprise. Of course, it wasn't much of a surprise now. "Kanan, were you overworking her?"

"What?! Me?! I didn't do anything!" Kanan protested. "I didn't think it'd make her faint! Maybe she isn't getting enough energy." Uh oh. Dia looked at her curiously, and Hanamaru felt smaller under her stare. After all this time, Dia still had that effect on people.

"Well, thank you for bringing her home, Kanan. I'll make sure she gets her rest." Kanan nodded and left, leaving the two of them alone. Her hands still on Hanamaru's shoulders, Dia led her gently to the couch, where she helped her lie down on her back. "We should talk, Hanamaru."

"O-Okay." Oh zura. It was ganba-game over, she was sure of it. "What about, zura?"

"I hope you're not pushing yourself too hard because you're worried about the wedding." Dia gave her an angelic smile, gently petting her head. "I know it's stressful, but everything's going to be fine. If there's anything I can do, please let me know." Hanamaru felt, if anything, even worse. She'd hidden her attempt to 'fix' her body from Dia, to the point where she'd passed out, and Dia wasn't even mad that she came home in such a sorry state. There must have been so much stress already on her due to the wedding planning, but she still felt as if Hanamaru was dealing with stress that she undoubtedly shouldn't have been. There was no way she deserved Dia.

"I'm... I'm sorry, zura." Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, with her noticing too late to stop it. "You... have so much to do. And... And I'm making it worse..."

"Oh Hanamaru, don't cry." Dia started to wipe away Hanamaru's tears, still smiling despite it all. "It's no problem at all. I'd do anything for my princess."

"But why?!" The words came out before Hanamaru could stop herself. It seemed to take both of them back, but it kept spilling out of her mouth without her permission. "Why are you nice to me, when I'm so... so not worth your time, zura?" Dia's jaw tightened, an emotion forming in her eyes that Hanamaru couldn't place.

"Why do you think that, Hanamaru?"

"Because of how perfect you are, zura! You're so wonderful, so loving and beautiful... and look at me!" She grabbed her stomach and squeezed it, starting to blush as she realized the scene she was making. "I'm... I'm just not, zura. I don't understand why you want to marry me..." This was it. Everything had come out into the open, when she was so sure she would be able to keep it a secret. Now Dia was going to call off the wedding for sure.

"Hanamaru..." Dia surprised Hanamaru by grabbing her shirt and lifting it up, revealing her embarrassing tummy pooch. She tried to push her shirt down, but Dia blocked her by diving down and kissing it. "I don't want to hear you saying those things about the woman I love."

"D-Dia!" Hanamaru blushed harder and whined quietly. Then Dia started to place more kisses all over her stomach, making her laugh. "S-Stop, I'm sweaty!"

"I don't care," Dia proclaimed, continuing to kiss Hanamaru's stomach before gently laying a hand on it. "I love you, Hanamaru. I love you with every ounce of my being. That means I love and appreciate every part of you." Hanamaru opened her mouth to argue, but Dia halted her before she got the chance. "Even your 'tummy pooch'. To me, you look like a beautiful princess. I love every part of you, and I wouldn't want you to change that just because you feel I 'deserve' better."

"But-"

"No buts." Dia leaned up to wrap her arms around Hanamaru, hugging her tightly. "You're always going to be my princess, no matter how you look. Besides, your looks aren't why I married you." She cupped Hanamaru's chin and smiled warmly. "Your intelligence, your friendship, your unwavering love... That's who you are, Hanamaru. And that's what I care about: you." Hanamaru finally returned Dia's hug, trying to hide the fact that she was crying even harder than before. Her struggling voice gave it away, though.

"Y-You're too good for me, Dia..."

"I feel the same way about you." They spent some time hugging it out, letting Hanamaru cry out all her tears and calm down in Dia's arms. Dia was an honest person. Hanamaru had always admired that about her. So why couldn't she believe her when she was speaking from the heart? Her own feelings about how Dia should feel were clouding her realization about how Dia actually felt. "I want to marry you. All of you. I love you, Hanamaru."

"I-I love you too. I really do." Maybe this wasn't the right way to go about it. Dia seemed to truly want her just as she was, tummy pooch, chubby face, and all. If Dia could love her that radiantly, then maybe she could too. To Dia, she was already wedding ready, so she didn't need to starve herself and push herself to the brink of exhaustion. That was just going to worry Dia, which had already been proven. She needed to trust Dia, just like Dia trusted her.

She could do this. Her life was perfect when she was with Dia, so she could feel perfect too, as long as she was with Dia. Through sickness and in health. Forever and ever.


End file.
